What it means to be a woman

I have never wanted to be a man.

In fact, I have been quite content with my gender for the majority of my life. That is not to say I have always necessarily been content with myself, but I have been content to have been born a woman. I have cherished my many wonderful sisters (six in all, four of real merit), my mother, my grandmother and all the amazing female role models I have been blessed to have throughout the course of my lifetime.

El Dia Internacional de la Mujer on March 8th started me thinking about my role as a woman and what that really means in today's modernized society. In the U.S., I am confronted with a double standard for the ideal female.

On one hand, I am liberated from the confines of my gender and have been completely "equalized" (although women still only earn 80 cents to the dollar for the same work as a man) and have been taught that I am as capable as any man to do any work (although yet again, we have yet to have a female president and men predominantly preside in almost all positions of extreme power and wealthy in my country).

On the other hand, I am continually assaulted with images of the "sexualized female". It is perfectly acceptable to show off my breasts for the entertainment of men, but not for the nourishment of my child. At the same time, I am encouraged to walk a fine line between my independence and the loss of my femininity. It can be a struggle, to find the middle ground.

Then, while reading an article about the roles of women in Mexico (again, a vast over-generalization), I realized we are not that different. Although I come from a different culture, I struggle with the same issues. I possess fairly conservative values (considering my liberal upbringing) regarding the roles of men and women. I was taught by my social environment at a very young age that women fulfill different roles than men. We make babies, care for our families, take responsibility of our homes, and now (thanks to modernization) accomplish all that while working a full time job. It is a tough gig.

In Mexico, women struggle with the same thing. Women everywhere work harder than ever fulfilling the physical and financial needs of their families. For example, Luis's mom manages a thriving real estate business, but is also responsible for all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, shopping, and general care of her house and family. As the only woman in the household, it is all her job. At 28 years of age, Luis had never even operated his mother's washing machine. Nor is it expected, or (in reality) socially acceptable for him to do so. Another example is Irene, my mom's servant. She works 6 days a week for 8+ hours a day (for 150 pesos a day) cleaning other women's houses. When not at work, she is responsible for ALL the housework in her own home. When I asked her what she does for fun, her response was "I sleep". Sadly, it wasn't a joke.

Bringing the topic full circle, I go back to the beginning. What is my role in all this? I have the luxury of being a "liberated woman", but what does that really change? My partner Bart is an amazing feminist (moreso than myself) and is more than willing to participate 50/50 in the equitable division of the housework. To him, a partnership means equality.

On principle, I agree. Yet in reality, I like doing all that gushy "feminine" stuff. I want to have babies, raise a family and care for a home. I like cleaning, grocery shopping and cooking. Don't get me wrong, it is a real treat to come home to a made meal (as any woman will testify), but in general, I consider it my duty.

So where does that leave me? Stuck somewhere between the old and the new. I think the difference is that I get the choice, whereas many woman have not had that luxury.

Either way, I am glad to be a woman.