An ode to long-distance relationships
I love you, but hate you
I love you for you
but hate that you don't
I love to dream about you
but hate the pain it causes
I love hearing from you
but hate it when I don't
I love to love you
but hate that I can't
I love you always
but hate missing you
I love you
don't you?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
The long lost return...
It has been over 10 months since my last post...
You may be wondering, what the hell?!?
Well.. to make a long story short, a series of random events followed within days of my final post, resulting in my first encounter with the sea, a beach birthday bash, homelessness, miraculous discoveries, Spaniards, fiestas, friends from every walk of life, great experiences, not-so-great experiences, hopes, anxieties, failed relationships, lost opportunities, gaining a family & brother, and moments so precious they lasted but a moment, yet will remain forever.
All-in-all...
It was an adventure. One I am more than happy to re-visit, again and again. Thus, I have decided to create my chronicle, therefore preserving my Memories de Mexico.
Enjoy
*Note to readers, any subsequent storytelling may include graphic descriptions, name changes, omitted information, and any additional editing that is deemed fit. They will also NOT be organized in a linear fashion. Hahaha
Monday, March 22, 2010
Matraca
Today I cannot help but wonder, why is the world such a fucked up place?
In my Temas de la Vida Mexicana Contemporanea class, my teacher took us on a field trip to visit Matraca, a non-profit organization that works to provide rights and services to children who live and work on the streets in Xalapa. It definitely had the desired effect. The goal of my teacher is to provide us with a balanced perspective about the issues faced my marginalized Mexicans. I can say with complete certainty, she is succeeding.
I spent two hours listening as Atreyu (the Matraca coordinator) passionately explained the difficulties these children face, and the difficulties the organization faces to meet their needs. By the end of the two hours diatribe, my heart hurt and I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. It was as if all that is good in the world had turned sour. Although the organization maintains faith and hope about the change that is possible in these children's lives, it made me doubt and question many things in life.
Although I am working to create positive change in people's lives, it makes me wonder if I am overly romanticizing the future of humanity. I know things are fucked up, but I have always had this hope that things are going to improve. But then I remember that life is a balance of good and bad, and that the bad is never going to go away. So am I setting myself up for a lifetime of disappointment and heartache?
Then on the walk home, I stopped and looked around. I mean, really looked around. When I first got here, everything was so beautiful and exotic. Then when the culture shock set-in, I could only see the ugliness and filth. But today, today it all looked different. It is difficult to explain, but I looked every person in the eye and saw that the balance lives in all of us. It is all around us. The Aztecs had it right in their reverence of the balance.
Some days, it feels like this trip is all about the next celebration, drink, dance, meal... Other days, it is about the intimate one-on-one conversations that passionately occur in the small hippy cafe over chai-tea or while I am diligently working on my Codice reproduction. And yet somedays, like today, it is about nothing more than the self-reflection about life, purpose, and meaning in the world. It is an odd dichotomy to live in this constant state of flux and questioning. Sometimes it feels absolutely overwhelming, but other times utterly satisfying.
Like right now for example. I am still really sad about the state of the world, but I know that the only way things will get any better is if I continue working to make the change possible. Although Matraca cannot get these children off the streets, it is not their goal. Instead, they work to be the good in their lives, by providing free education (and by free, I mean FREE), clothing, food, shelter, and opportunities for them to be, well.. children.
For that reason, I volunteered my services (as minimal as they may be) to help in any way possible. Although I don't have time to work with the children one-on-one, I will be donating my translation services to the organization, translating important documents from Spanish into English. Not only will I get the practice of applying all I have learned, but I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I am helping in some small way to make their lives better.
It is better than doing nothing, right?
Although I cannot always be the change I want in the world, I can work to be the balance.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The best and worst
So I have to do this...
Many American girls at the EEE passionately dislike the machismo prevalent in Mexico. They are personally insulted every time a guy whistles, honks, or cat-calls in their direction. I, on the other hand, am highly HIGHLY entertained.
I will admit, sometimes it is rather flattering. Once in a while it feels good to have a guy check me out at the start of the day. It is a reminder that, oh yeah, I look good.
However, men here are notorious for taking it to every extreme possible. Thusly, I have decided to post some of my all time favorite best and worst pick-up-lines.
Last weekend I was walking to Luis's house when I had to cross a very busy main intersection. Standing on the median divider, I heard a rather loud horn blast from the bus directly in front of me. The poor motorbike driver in front of the bus reacted the same instant I did, leaping forward into the middle of the intersection, at which point he tipped his bike over. Amidst all the confusion, I was still trying to figure out what the heck had caused the bus driver to beep his horn, when he leaned out the window and yelled as loud as he could, "SEEEXY!" and drove away laughing. To say the least, later on I found the experience to be utterly hilarious.
For the first few weeks of my trip, there was always the same group of city workers planting flowers along the sidewalk near my house. Every day I would cordially say hi and walk away. Then one day, the crew leader (the oldest of them all) worked up the courage to respond with more than a head nod. Grabbing my attention, he gestured widely towards the rows of freshly planted flowers and declared that he had planted every single one in my honor. Overly ridiculous, I was charmed by the gesture.
During Carnaval, I was dancing Salsa with some random guy when he leaned in and asked "Do you have a boyfriend?" Laughing, I responded "Claro!" Without missing a beat, he asked "Do you have a Mexican boyfriend?" Slightly bewildered, I could under mutter "no..." (what the heck else do you say when you have already iterated that you are not available?) At which point he smiled, leaned in closer and said (with his eyebrows all askew), "Do you want one?"
My least favorite pick-up-line (and the most common to my consternation) is one used by a variety of men and tends to be favored by construction workers. It is one word, two syllables. Every time I hear it, it makes me cringe. Imagine walking past a construction site of leering sweaty men and just as you cross their path, one lets out a loud "Gueeeeeeeeeeeeeee-daaaaaaaaaaaaa" (using exactly the same voice as a farmers wife calling out "suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey"). To all you men out there who do this, stop. It is NOT appreciated.
Another thing some men do, cannot actually be considered a pick-up-line, but it has the same annoying intent. It is not actually a word. It is simply a loud, moist smacking of their lips in a half-whistle. I cannot adequately describe the sound, as one has to hear it to understand, but it makes my skin crawl every time I hear it. It is not pleasant, nor appreciated.
Over-all, not too bad. Like I said earlier, mostly humorous. You can't blame them for trying. You can laugh though, outloud. :D
Many American girls at the EEE passionately dislike the machismo prevalent in Mexico. They are personally insulted every time a guy whistles, honks, or cat-calls in their direction. I, on the other hand, am highly HIGHLY entertained.
I will admit, sometimes it is rather flattering. Once in a while it feels good to have a guy check me out at the start of the day. It is a reminder that, oh yeah, I look good.
However, men here are notorious for taking it to every extreme possible. Thusly, I have decided to post some of my all time favorite best and worst pick-up-lines.
Last weekend I was walking to Luis's house when I had to cross a very busy main intersection. Standing on the median divider, I heard a rather loud horn blast from the bus directly in front of me. The poor motorbike driver in front of the bus reacted the same instant I did, leaping forward into the middle of the intersection, at which point he tipped his bike over. Amidst all the confusion, I was still trying to figure out what the heck had caused the bus driver to beep his horn, when he leaned out the window and yelled as loud as he could, "SEEEXY!" and drove away laughing. To say the least, later on I found the experience to be utterly hilarious.
For the first few weeks of my trip, there was always the same group of city workers planting flowers along the sidewalk near my house. Every day I would cordially say hi and walk away. Then one day, the crew leader (the oldest of them all) worked up the courage to respond with more than a head nod. Grabbing my attention, he gestured widely towards the rows of freshly planted flowers and declared that he had planted every single one in my honor. Overly ridiculous, I was charmed by the gesture.
During Carnaval, I was dancing Salsa with some random guy when he leaned in and asked "Do you have a boyfriend?" Laughing, I responded "Claro!" Without missing a beat, he asked "Do you have a Mexican boyfriend?" Slightly bewildered, I could under mutter "no..." (what the heck else do you say when you have already iterated that you are not available?) At which point he smiled, leaned in closer and said (with his eyebrows all askew), "Do you want one?"
My least favorite pick-up-line (and the most common to my consternation) is one used by a variety of men and tends to be favored by construction workers. It is one word, two syllables. Every time I hear it, it makes me cringe. Imagine walking past a construction site of leering sweaty men and just as you cross their path, one lets out a loud "Gueeeeeeeeeeeeeee-daaaaaaaaaaaaa" (using exactly the same voice as a farmers wife calling out "suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey"). To all you men out there who do this, stop. It is NOT appreciated.
Another thing some men do, cannot actually be considered a pick-up-line, but it has the same annoying intent. It is not actually a word. It is simply a loud, moist smacking of their lips in a half-whistle. I cannot adequately describe the sound, as one has to hear it to understand, but it makes my skin crawl every time I hear it. It is not pleasant, nor appreciated.
Over-all, not too bad. Like I said earlier, mostly humorous. You can't blame them for trying. You can laugh though, outloud. :D
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
What it means to be a woman
I have never wanted to be a man.
In fact, I have been quite content with my gender for the majority of my life. That is not to say I have always necessarily been content with myself, but I have been content to have been born a woman. I have cherished my many wonderful sisters (six in all, four of real merit), my mother, my grandmother and all the amazing female role models I have been blessed to have throughout the course of my lifetime.
El Dia Internacional de la Mujer on March 8th started me thinking about my role as a woman and what that really means in today's modernized society. In the U.S., I am confronted with a double standard for the ideal female.
On one hand, I am liberated from the confines of my gender and have been completely "equalized" (although women still only earn 80 cents to the dollar for the same work as a man) and have been taught that I am as capable as any man to do any work (although yet again, we have yet to have a female president and men predominantly preside in almost all positions of extreme power and wealthy in my country).
On the other hand, I am continually assaulted with images of the "sexualized female". It is perfectly acceptable to show off my breasts for the entertainment of men, but not for the nourishment of my child. At the same time, I am encouraged to walk a fine line between my independence and the loss of my femininity. It can be a struggle, to find the middle ground.
Then, while reading an article about the roles of women in Mexico (again, a vast over-generalization), I realized we are not that different. Although I come from a different culture, I struggle with the same issues. I possess fairly conservative values (considering my liberal upbringing) regarding the roles of men and women. I was taught by my social environment at a very young age that women fulfill different roles than men. We make babies, care for our families, take responsibility of our homes, and now (thanks to modernization) accomplish all that while working a full time job. It is a tough gig.
In Mexico, women struggle with the same thing. Women everywhere work harder than ever fulfilling the physical and financial needs of their families. For example, Luis's mom manages a thriving real estate business, but is also responsible for all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, shopping, and general care of her house and family. As the only woman in the household, it is all her job. At 28 years of age, Luis had never even operated his mother's washing machine. Nor is it expected, or (in reality) socially acceptable for him to do so. Another example is Irene, my mom's servant. She works 6 days a week for 8+ hours a day (for 150 pesos a day) cleaning other women's houses. When not at work, she is responsible for ALL the housework in her own home. When I asked her what she does for fun, her response was "I sleep". Sadly, it wasn't a joke.
Bringing the topic full circle, I go back to the beginning. What is my role in all this? I have the luxury of being a "liberated woman", but what does that really change? My partner Bart is an amazing feminist (moreso than myself) and is more than willing to participate 50/50 in the equitable division of the housework. To him, a partnership means equality.
On principle, I agree. Yet in reality, I like doing all that gushy "feminine" stuff. I want to have babies, raise a family and care for a home. I like cleaning, grocery shopping and cooking. Don't get me wrong, it is a real treat to come home to a made meal (as any woman will testify), but in general, I consider it my duty.
So where does that leave me? Stuck somewhere between the old and the new. I think the difference is that I get the choice, whereas many woman have not had that luxury.
Either way, I am glad to be a woman.
In fact, I have been quite content with my gender for the majority of my life. That is not to say I have always necessarily been content with myself, but I have been content to have been born a woman. I have cherished my many wonderful sisters (six in all, four of real merit), my mother, my grandmother and all the amazing female role models I have been blessed to have throughout the course of my lifetime.
El Dia Internacional de la Mujer on March 8th started me thinking about my role as a woman and what that really means in today's modernized society. In the U.S., I am confronted with a double standard for the ideal female.
On one hand, I am liberated from the confines of my gender and have been completely "equalized" (although women still only earn 80 cents to the dollar for the same work as a man) and have been taught that I am as capable as any man to do any work (although yet again, we have yet to have a female president and men predominantly preside in almost all positions of extreme power and wealthy in my country).
On the other hand, I am continually assaulted with images of the "sexualized female". It is perfectly acceptable to show off my breasts for the entertainment of men, but not for the nourishment of my child. At the same time, I am encouraged to walk a fine line between my independence and the loss of my femininity. It can be a struggle, to find the middle ground.
Then, while reading an article about the roles of women in Mexico (again, a vast over-generalization), I realized we are not that different. Although I come from a different culture, I struggle with the same issues. I possess fairly conservative values (considering my liberal upbringing) regarding the roles of men and women. I was taught by my social environment at a very young age that women fulfill different roles than men. We make babies, care for our families, take responsibility of our homes, and now (thanks to modernization) accomplish all that while working a full time job. It is a tough gig.
In Mexico, women struggle with the same thing. Women everywhere work harder than ever fulfilling the physical and financial needs of their families. For example, Luis's mom manages a thriving real estate business, but is also responsible for all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, shopping, and general care of her house and family. As the only woman in the household, it is all her job. At 28 years of age, Luis had never even operated his mother's washing machine. Nor is it expected, or (in reality) socially acceptable for him to do so. Another example is Irene, my mom's servant. She works 6 days a week for 8+ hours a day (for 150 pesos a day) cleaning other women's houses. When not at work, she is responsible for ALL the housework in her own home. When I asked her what she does for fun, her response was "I sleep". Sadly, it wasn't a joke.
Bringing the topic full circle, I go back to the beginning. What is my role in all this? I have the luxury of being a "liberated woman", but what does that really change? My partner Bart is an amazing feminist (moreso than myself) and is more than willing to participate 50/50 in the equitable division of the housework. To him, a partnership means equality.
On principle, I agree. Yet in reality, I like doing all that gushy "feminine" stuff. I want to have babies, raise a family and care for a home. I like cleaning, grocery shopping and cooking. Don't get me wrong, it is a real treat to come home to a made meal (as any woman will testify), but in general, I consider it my duty.
So where does that leave me? Stuck somewhere between the old and the new. I think the difference is that I get the choice, whereas many woman have not had that luxury.
Either way, I am glad to be a woman.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Mis metas y sueños
I have spent a great deal of self-reflecting on what I want out of life lately.
A number of different factors of caused me to wonder who I am, what I am doing, and where I am going. I have always had fairly concrete goals, and yet the closer I get to achieving them, the more timid I feel about actually actualizing them.
So, I have decided to follow the thematic prompts of Chicken Soup for the Soul (I know it is super cliche, but it is my bathroom reading in Spanish... short, simple, and easy to understand) and create a list of my dreams and goals. Once I have concretely established exactly what I want out of both this trip and my life, hopefully I will feel less nervous about working to achieve them.
So, here they are:
Goal 1) Have the experience of a lifetime in Mexico while also concretely solidifying my verbal abilities in Spanish (including gaining confidence about the USE of said verbal abilities).
Goal 2) Obtain a kick-ass job as an interpreter that makes me happy so I can personally improve the lives of people and make a difference in my community.
Goal 3) Create change, especially for the Hispanics in my community who suffer from discrimination, inequality, denied access to basic human rights, and devastatingly unjust living conditions.
Goal 4) Have babies, continue to be a part of the most amazing family in the world, maintain all the wonderful friendships I have already cultivated, and create many many more relationships (both internationally and locally).
Goal 5) Obtain my Masters (Maestria) and become a certified Midwife.
Goal 6) Be elected to public office before I am 30 so I can make an even bigger difference in my community (without becoming a corrupt, soul-sucked politician).
Goal 7) Write and publish a book.
Goal 8) Change the world.
Goal 9) Become more spontaneous and take advantage of the every day opportunities life has to offer, so I can live life to its fullest without regrets.
Goal 10) Be happy.
*All of my goals are completely obtainable and reasonably achievable within the next 12 years or less.
A number of different factors of caused me to wonder who I am, what I am doing, and where I am going. I have always had fairly concrete goals, and yet the closer I get to achieving them, the more timid I feel about actually actualizing them.
So, I have decided to follow the thematic prompts of Chicken Soup for the Soul (I know it is super cliche, but it is my bathroom reading in Spanish... short, simple, and easy to understand) and create a list of my dreams and goals. Once I have concretely established exactly what I want out of both this trip and my life, hopefully I will feel less nervous about working to achieve them.
So, here they are:
Goal 1) Have the experience of a lifetime in Mexico while also concretely solidifying my verbal abilities in Spanish (including gaining confidence about the USE of said verbal abilities).
Goal 2) Obtain a kick-ass job as an interpreter that makes me happy so I can personally improve the lives of people and make a difference in my community.
Goal 3) Create change, especially for the Hispanics in my community who suffer from discrimination, inequality, denied access to basic human rights, and devastatingly unjust living conditions.
Goal 4) Have babies, continue to be a part of the most amazing family in the world, maintain all the wonderful friendships I have already cultivated, and create many many more relationships (both internationally and locally).
Goal 5) Obtain my Masters (Maestria) and become a certified Midwife.
Goal 6) Be elected to public office before I am 30 so I can make an even bigger difference in my community (without becoming a corrupt, soul-sucked politician).
Goal 7) Write and publish a book.
Goal 8) Change the world.
Goal 9) Become more spontaneous and take advantage of the every day opportunities life has to offer, so I can live life to its fullest without regrets.
Goal 10) Be happy.
*All of my goals are completely obtainable and reasonably achievable within the next 12 years or less.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Living it Up
So tonight was absolutely awesome.
Although logic dictates that I should go directly to sleep (no passing go, no collecting $200), I cannot help but take note of the awesomeness.
I had plans tonight to go out with a group of foreign exchange students I met at the EEE today. Four girls and 1 guy (Ruben, Ana, Vanessa, Silvia and Virginia) from Spain. They TOTALLY changed my perspective about Spain.
So the original plan was to go out to a club and dance to live Salsa music. I was advised ahead of time by Virginia to dress "super guapa". Unsure of what "super guapa" meant, I actually took the initiative to dress up nicely for our night out on the town.
Luckily, nothing was as I expected. When I met up with the group they decided we should go see a Pink Floyd cover band at the Terra Luna cafe. Unfortunately, the cafe was closed (for unknown reasons), so we went with our second option: a cram-packed bar vending free food, cheap beer and live music.
I knew I should always trust my instinct to do as the Mexicans do and go where the Mexicans are!
We had a FANTASTIC time! The food was terrible, the equivalent of bad Mexican bar food. But it was free, so can I really complain? And, it was all vegetarian: pasta, una gordita de salsa y frijoles, and... a hashbrown (?). Yeah, that last one beats the heck out of me. But I really enjoyed my very strong margarita and sangria. And the live music was absolutely amazing!~
Afterward, I was fortuitous enough to question a familiar street musician (from the previous bar) about another good location for some cheap beers and live music. Leonardo invited us (along with his friend Chai, a nice EEE student named Augustin and his VERY drunk brother) to a random little dive bar behind el callon diamonte. There I tried tequila with a wedge of lime, coffee, and sugar (surprisingly delicious) and some other previous musicians joined us for a jam fest. It was absolutely stellar. It is exactly the experience you would want to have in Mexico. It was not fake, touristy, or based in English. It was real. Real fun, company, alcohol, music, culture... A true experience.
Afterwards, Augustin and his brother were sweet enough to walk me back to my house. It was really sweet.
Tomorrow we have plans to hang out together as a group. I am pretty excited. I think things are going to change soon...
Until then, the adventure continues. :)
Although logic dictates that I should go directly to sleep (no passing go, no collecting $200), I cannot help but take note of the awesomeness.
I had plans tonight to go out with a group of foreign exchange students I met at the EEE today. Four girls and 1 guy (Ruben, Ana, Vanessa, Silvia and Virginia) from Spain. They TOTALLY changed my perspective about Spain.
So the original plan was to go out to a club and dance to live Salsa music. I was advised ahead of time by Virginia to dress "super guapa". Unsure of what "super guapa" meant, I actually took the initiative to dress up nicely for our night out on the town.
Luckily, nothing was as I expected. When I met up with the group they decided we should go see a Pink Floyd cover band at the Terra Luna cafe. Unfortunately, the cafe was closed (for unknown reasons), so we went with our second option: a cram-packed bar vending free food, cheap beer and live music.
I knew I should always trust my instinct to do as the Mexicans do and go where the Mexicans are!
We had a FANTASTIC time! The food was terrible, the equivalent of bad Mexican bar food. But it was free, so can I really complain? And, it was all vegetarian: pasta, una gordita de salsa y frijoles, and... a hashbrown (?). Yeah, that last one beats the heck out of me. But I really enjoyed my very strong margarita and sangria. And the live music was absolutely amazing!~
Afterward, I was fortuitous enough to question a familiar street musician (from the previous bar) about another good location for some cheap beers and live music. Leonardo invited us (along with his friend Chai, a nice EEE student named Augustin and his VERY drunk brother) to a random little dive bar behind el callon diamonte. There I tried tequila with a wedge of lime, coffee, and sugar (surprisingly delicious) and some other previous musicians joined us for a jam fest. It was absolutely stellar. It is exactly the experience you would want to have in Mexico. It was not fake, touristy, or based in English. It was real. Real fun, company, alcohol, music, culture... A true experience.
Afterwards, Augustin and his brother were sweet enough to walk me back to my house. It was really sweet.
Tomorrow we have plans to hang out together as a group. I am pretty excited. I think things are going to change soon...
Until then, the adventure continues. :)
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